I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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