So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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