I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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