i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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