Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
