It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
