I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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