Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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