I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
