You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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