so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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