What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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