I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
