So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
