I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
