Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
