Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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