I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
