What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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