How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
