we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize