i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
