She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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