I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
