I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
