so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
