her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
