Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
