I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
