i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
