Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
