So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
