why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
