she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
