On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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