That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize