Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
