If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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