I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
