He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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