I checked into jail on foursquare
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
