the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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