if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
vagina is talking i cant
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
