i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was like eating out sand paper
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
