Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
