I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
