guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drunk is not a location!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
