another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
