Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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