You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
