I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
