My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
