You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
