I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
