I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
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I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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