i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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