well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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