Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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