just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
