week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
