Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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