I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So much rum. So many feels.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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