sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
