Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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