Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
