Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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