so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
