I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
