you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
