Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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