EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
