My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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