Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
