did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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