i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
