One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
