is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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