if i died would you start the facebook group?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
