u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
