I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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