I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
