I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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