Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
